genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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