I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
