she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
