If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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