I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
