he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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