theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
birth control should be required to get into college
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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