I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
