I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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