All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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