What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
