Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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