Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
