After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
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