and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
