Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
