just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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