I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
