I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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