Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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