And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
