sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
