Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
