I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
