Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just pee around me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
