During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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