Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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