dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
