Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
