i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
