I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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