my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
