I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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