Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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