i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
