Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
