once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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