Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize