I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
