dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
