i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
