I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
