Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the condom got lost in my hair
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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