I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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