i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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