My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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