I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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