Need sex. Gaining weight.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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