you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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