i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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