i already hear my dad disowning me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
