i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
