Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
