dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
