even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
