she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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