you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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