I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
