She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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