I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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