remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i will never coherently bang her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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