my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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