Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
