omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
