Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
