Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
