I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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