you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
