i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize